i am christopher lambert

by fortunate happenstance i've been afforded time to think about mortality and morality. many a night i lie in bed generally praying for the pain in my stomach to wane and my fever to give it a fucking rest for a sec so that i can relax the muscles between my temples for just the briefest of moments. and when that moment comes, so comes a lot of clarity. its in those moments that i've come to realize a simple truth. a truth so simple that its frighteningly puritanical. i can assure you from the sincerest bone (penis) in my body (oh what? its not a bone? yes it is...) that this in no way is meant sarcastically. simply put, here it is: PSSSST.... I'M PRETTY FUCKING SURE WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE SOON-- and not in an esoteric way. i mean... the end of the world is coming and its coming quick.

no, i don't have Ptolemaic evidence to impart. and this is not a joseph smith-- god just talked to me type of thing either. and no, its not a "damn i need to stop smoking weed while watching nicholas cage movies" thing either. its more of a tipper gore type thing-- conservative logic that kinda makes sense, but also kinda makes you want to push a sweet old lady down a flight of stairs-- sort of thing.

the crux of my argument is fairly simple: the truth is, as a society there is absolutely nothing sacred left to fuck with. and thus, morally we're all at the end of our proverbial rope. stay with me... so in my mind, i have an imaginary zen master and he tells me that when that ember burns out, the light of life will be swallowed by the darkness (its way deeper if you imagine david carradine is saying it to you.) deep down inside of me a part of me believes that morality is not a barometer of good or a relative gauge of what we think is wrong. in my mind morality is betwixt a stop watch and a really really comically long (like mission impossible intro long) lit fuse attached to a stick of dynamite. i realize this might be years of conditioning speaking. i am of course just a product of fire and brimstone pulpit-ing, TV, rap music, and high fructose syrup.

you may think that the existence of the human race and the social paradigm of morality are mutually exclusive and you very well may be right. but lets just err on the side of caution-- meaning let's assume pastor ben was right. if he WAS right, then... BOOMSKILLET-- dynamite all up in yo face. we just exploded.

lets say by now you are drinking the same kool-aid i am. we're on the same page on all the bullshit preceding this very sentence. you perused the words and you said to yourself... you know what... i'm okay with it. NOW, you may ask yourself, well, why does this man think we've reached the end of morality? my answer is this, think back to the very recent past; in many if not all things public there were very clear distinctions of what is considered taboo. swearing, religion, death, God, genitals, vomit, farts, black girls' hair-- all these things were a public no-no to fuck with. cut back to modern day, and look at yourself, with your pants around your ankles looking at some of the filthiest internet porn you've ever seen. race, sex, religion-- nothing is sacred. not even are your memories held sacred. watch as michael bay rapes your childhood-- am i right???????

so what do we do? honestly i dont know. i'm not saying we need to change anything. in fact, i'm kinda just like ehhhh fuck it. but i'm pretty sure that i would like to finally have sex before the end of the word comes.

that would be kinda sweet.

***update***

the drugs my doctor gave me make me very paranoid.