peace

i can't masturbate with you watching me.

this is all you want anyways.

pop quiz hotshot...

The above image is...

a. The sinister Romulan, Nero, from the 2009 box office hit "Star Trek"
b. an example of the transformative acting power of Eric Bana
c. the world's first intergalactic Armenian

--Hint, Ed Hardy tattoos = uber Armo

would you like to play a game... ?

In honor of my new favorite waste of time I've written SAT questions in reference to the "Jersey Shore."

1. Guido:East Coast:: ________: West Coast

Is it...

a. Black

b. Light skinned black

c. Filipino

d. Armenian

2. A Guido drives west from NY and an Armenian guy travels east from LA with a distance of 2443 miles separating them. If one Humvee is traveling an average of 74 miles per hour and the other Humvee is traveling at an average of 65 miles per hour, how many hours before these two meet?

The answer is...

a. It's a trick question, New Yorkers can't drive.

b. Impossible. Lorentz Force Law defining magnetic force would show the sheer replusion force of objects at that mass of the same magnetic charge would be so great only a sale at the Juicy Couture outlet at the Mall of America could bring such forces together.

c. That's stupid, Armenians never leave Glendale.

d. No clue but if you build a federal prison in between--they'll eventually both wind up there.

3. To get a Guidette to have sex with you, all you have to do is...

a. be tan, be a meathead, be italian

b. learn how to pump your first to house music

c. roofie her drink

d. roofie yourself

4. Cast member, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino looks like

a. a young Deniro
b. George Hamilton and Pro Wrestler Chyna's love child
c. a Craftman tool bag filled with used douche
d. a young, constipated Rodney Dangerfield