Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
hakseng hakseng!
So I've been traveling the world for the past 5 days. And by world, I mean the most backwards 3rd world nations in the eastern hemisphere. To tell the truth, Korea is not as terrible as I remember, due in part to the fact that you no longer have to hover over a hole in the ground to take a dump. For the most part, Seoul is exactly the same is K-town in LA. Seoul has as of late been garnished with a number of Starbucks, Poppa John's, Mcdonald's... all the fast food you can think of.
Its Vietnam that seems to bring out the hatred in me. This country is a lot like a rape victim-- disoriented, befuddled, and skanky.
On my flight to Vietnam I was blessed to be seated next to the lavatory, surround by old korean country folk. Apparently, they had saved enough money to see the world. They decided to go on a tour of Vietnam and Cambodia-- good choices...
During the inflight service, the not so sexy stewardesses passed along some customs arrival declaration cards. The cards all written in Vietnamese and English. As always, I filled out my card with the same amount of disdain a a redneck has for a black jew. These cards only serve to remind you of where your going and how long you'll have to suffer in that place.
After i was done, the Halabugee (korean grandfather) next to me taps me on the shoulder. "Hakseng Hakseng... yunguh hanee?" Which translates to "Hey kid do you speak english?"
I tried to play it off like I was japanese... This is generally my tactic to get out of conversing with Koreans. But he knew... some how that I was Korean. He continued on by asking me to fill out his card since he didn't know Vietnamese or English. So again, I filled out this fucking card and it felt like writing my own death certificate.
After he was appeased I tried to fall asleep. I put down my tray table so I couldr rest my ipod on it and closed my eyes.
I dreamt... and it was good. Euphoric... peaceful... dreams of milk and honey.
When I woke up there were five more cards along with 5 korean passports on my tray table. Apparently while I was sleeping the Halabugee had solicited my services to all the fucking koreans around me.
I died... 5 more times.
Its Vietnam that seems to bring out the hatred in me. This country is a lot like a rape victim-- disoriented, befuddled, and skanky.
On my flight to Vietnam I was blessed to be seated next to the lavatory, surround by old korean country folk. Apparently, they had saved enough money to see the world. They decided to go on a tour of Vietnam and Cambodia-- good choices...
During the inflight service, the not so sexy stewardesses passed along some customs arrival declaration cards. The cards all written in Vietnamese and English. As always, I filled out my card with the same amount of disdain a a redneck has for a black jew. These cards only serve to remind you of where your going and how long you'll have to suffer in that place.
After i was done, the Halabugee (korean grandfather) next to me taps me on the shoulder. "Hakseng Hakseng... yunguh hanee?" Which translates to "Hey kid do you speak english?"
I tried to play it off like I was japanese... This is generally my tactic to get out of conversing with Koreans. But he knew... some how that I was Korean. He continued on by asking me to fill out his card since he didn't know Vietnamese or English. So again, I filled out this fucking card and it felt like writing my own death certificate.
After he was appeased I tried to fall asleep. I put down my tray table so I couldr rest my ipod on it and closed my eyes.
I dreamt... and it was good. Euphoric... peaceful... dreams of milk and honey.
When I woke up there were five more cards along with 5 korean passports on my tray table. Apparently while I was sleeping the Halabugee had solicited my services to all the fucking koreans around me.
I died... 5 more times.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
baseball + beer = watery shits
The past few weeks have all been about baseball. Executive Guest suites are pretty awesome.
big ups to the jew!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
boobs.
The internet amuses me. It's the only place where you can find free porn, buy a sweater, and learn about nashian theory all at the same time.
A great example of the awesomeness of the interweb is this latest posting from the superficial.com.
2. ilikemen - April 2, 2009 2:05 PM
i cry when i masturbate
3. tila tequila - April 2, 2009 2:07 PM
these really expensive giant plastic whore bags totally distract from my sideways vagina, right?
5. Tony - April 2, 2009 2:10 PM
Wow! I'd love to break a tooth on one of those!
6. GuyHolly - April 2, 2009 2:12 PM
She is a walking Petri dish.
10. dude_on - April 2, 2009 2:19 PM
Proof once again that you can put tits on damn near anything and make it better. Fake tits are easily the best thing science has produced since microwave burritos.
21. Brian - April 2, 2009 2:39 PM
Please, get her and Octomom and shoot them both in the face.
25. Ted from L - April 2, 2009 2:53 PM
Do you know what would look really good with those clown tits? Huge floppy red shoes.
40. Anus Licker - April 2, 2009 3:58 PM
I'd stil poke her in the bung hole!
45. rambo - April 2, 2009 5:01 PM
I once killed one of those in Khe Sanh, back in 1968, when hunting in the area was legal... I fucked it then shot it in the face.
A great example of the awesomeness of the interweb is this latest posting from the superficial.com.
its not the post that's all that funny, its the millions of comments that follow.
here are some of my favorites:
2. ilikemen - April 2, 2009 2:05 PM
i cry when i masturbate
3. tila tequila - April 2, 2009 2:07 PM
these really expensive giant plastic whore bags totally distract from my sideways vagina, right?
5. Tony - April 2, 2009 2:10 PM
Wow! I'd love to break a tooth on one of those!
6. GuyHolly - April 2, 2009 2:12 PM
She is a walking Petri dish.
10. dude_on - April 2, 2009 2:19 PM
Proof once again that you can put tits on damn near anything and make it better. Fake tits are easily the best thing science has produced since microwave burritos.
21. Brian - April 2, 2009 2:39 PM
Please, get her and Octomom and shoot them both in the face.
25. Ted from L - April 2, 2009 2:53 PM
Do you know what would look really good with those clown tits? Huge floppy red shoes.
40. Anus Licker - April 2, 2009 3:58 PM
I'd stil poke her in the bung hole!
45. rambo - April 2, 2009 5:01 PM
I once killed one of those in Khe Sanh, back in 1968, when hunting in the area was legal... I fucked it then shot it in the face.
DCHO mocks me on the small screen
Not too long ago, i conceded defeat to Danny. Maybe that was a hasty move. I should've waited it out but i pusssed out like Gore in '00.
Stop trying to rub it in asshole.
Stop trying to rub it in asshole.
i got money on ghost
Which brings up a whole n'otha discussion...
Andy's TOP 10 rhymers of all time:
10.
9.
8. Jay-z
7. Ghostface
6. Redman
5. Big Daddy Kane
4. Heavy D
3. Biggie
2. Black Thought (don't believe me... peep game)
1. Jesse Jackson
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